I AM ZIEMAN

MY BROTHER JEPP!

I've always felt I never had any siblings after my one and only sister, Nona Murni or Adik passed away several years ago.

I still cry in silent whenever I see things, people and other memories that made me think of Adik. Until today, I still cant find the right words to describe the pain inside me when I lost my only sister who succumbed to kidney failure.

I think of Adik a lot, not only when Im alone. Her gracefulness and beauty is beyond words and she was the sweetest person I've ever known.

But before I lost Adik, I've 'lost' a younger brother M.N. The brother whose good looks could easily land him a role in a Bollywood movie turned out to be a beast when greed got the better of him. What he did to me was forgivable but unforgettable. In his crazy state of mind, he had punched and kicked me till I landed in a monsoon drain, all because of a car.

I just could not bring myself to forget what had happened because my twisted middle finger will always remind me of what he did to an older sister who had sacrificed everything to make him happy.

The incident left me a lone person. I never thought I will have anymore younger siblings.

No one can take Adik's place. I miss her even more each time I feed Farid, her youngest son. So, how could I possibly share my love for Adik with someone else?

But Allah knows how much I miss Adik. So he made plans to send me many sisters whom I can call 'adik' like Imma, Dalilah, Rafeah, Jai, Herlinda and now Aida, the latest addition. Actually the list is longer but only these names made it to my list because of their sincerity.

As for a younger brother, I never gave it a thought as I dont think I would want any. The experience that I went through was a tremendous blow. The pain, hurt and humiliation was enough to make me shudder at the very thought. But as they say, never say never.

A couple of weeks ago, I met a bright, young producer by the name of Jafni Abu Bakar or Mat Jepp as he is fondly called. He was such an affable character. I like him instantly and the fondness grew almost overnight.

I wasnt prepared for the attachment that was going to take place a week later. I followed him around and watched him work, interact and formed that special bond with every people he met. He connected with everyone and has such a positive vibrant about him.

I wasnt sure how exactly to feel about him until we had breakfast in Kopitiam, Kuantan one day. We started talking intensely. I asked him a lot of personal questions and spoke about people whom he loves and thats when we made THAT special connection.

I looked into his eyes and I saw the same pain that I had gone through. We spoke at length during the days that followed. Again, I was reminded of all the bitterness I left behind. We ate, travelled and discussed many things together. And all the while, I knew he was hurting from memories of a lost love just like me.

But we both knew when to stop talking about sensitive subjects. Each time we dwelled in areas that were sensitive or when one of us showed signs of an open wound, we moved on to another subject. That way, I will not hurt Jepp and vice versa.

They say things happened for a reason. So the first test came in the form of an Arab man. I made a pact to marry this Arab two months ago without realising the outcome. And so he came and parked himself at the Le Meridien to meet his 'bride'. I almost went beserk when I realised the mess I was in. And that instant, I could not imagine any other man who would be kind enough to rescue me than Jepp.

It so happened it was Jepp's anniversary with his beautiful wife Aida. And I had to spoil it for them by asking them to save me from a problem I created. Till today, I still owe Jepp and Aida....

Then he introduced me to his adorable princesses Sofia and Julia. Jepp is a proud husband, father and the pillar for his family. He talks with pride about Aida, confessing to me that "She is the woman I want and NOT the woman I need."

Looking at Aida, I knew they make such a romantic couple who had gone through many rough edges in life but somehow has managed to sail through. They survived the love ordeal despite the pressure and challenges they face. From that day onwards, my love for Jepp grew even more.

The extension of love is spilling over to Aida and the kids. They are now my new family - a family whom I never knew would accept me unconditionally.

Last Saturday, Aida prepared a special dish for his dear Jepp. Jepp insisted I come over and share the meal with his family. Hearing his voice on the other side was enough to tell me that he miss me. And Aida too joined him to coax me to come over.

I was so touched and too stunt to say another word and ended up saying..."Ok...". The whole time I was with them in their cosy apartment, there was never a moment I felt not love. The love, the warmth and sincerity was in abundance. I could feel it right to my bones.

He passed me several of his family album - showing me pictures of himself when he was a bouncy baby, the pride and joy of his family, the house he grew up, the family he inherited and the memories he went through.

Everytime I flipped through the album, I cant help feeling Jepp was a part of me. A brother I never had, a companion I would always want by my side and a friend whom I can depend on.

Some day I will have to leave you Jepp but never fear..... My love for you will always keep you warm. The memories that we share together will always guide you. And if your feelings for me is just as true, you could almost hear me whispering to you..."Dont worry Jepp, akak ada."

No matter where I am, you will always be part to me. We are related in many ways.

As I count my blessings and thank Allah for sending me a new brother, I knew all my sufferings have now healed. I will always hold a special prayer for you brother. Even if I should go without a final goodbye, I will still remain, your ever loving sister!