I LIVE ALONE

I was lost
Then you called my name
Of all
Yours rang the loudest
And I was saved

But you linger only awhile
And left me alone
The glow was plain
And my eyes were blurred
I could not see the way
Where you were not
This new place is Hell to me

So we must meet apart
You there
And I here
With a road that divide us
And a door that will not close
These oceans will separate us
But in my prayers
You will not leave me in despair
Though I live alone
And have no more eyes
To live in this paradise

I KEEP THIS SCAR FOR HIM

I'll keep this scar for him
And stash it far away
Until it bleeds again
I'll tell him
Nor, Im not hurt
It was just a few tears
All the cuts made by his gems

If I tell him these scars
Were there long before his absence
It would mean
Not him but them
Nonetheless

One day
I'll tear all these scars
And show him the wound
Maybe then he will understand
For he could not afford
To count each scar
and every tear that I bore

If he were to count them
One by one
The cut, the bruise and the wound
It will sink deeper
And he'll miss
Counting them

AND TO PART AGAIN

As my fever glazed my eyes
Alas I reached you
Within the miles
That separated us
You swayed and murmured
Only a word "Wait For Me"
What is it that I do not see?
Is there a light that gleams?
Could it be I've lost my life
In this land of dreams
How sad it seems
That there is nothing more to say
There is nothing more to do
But to kiss and part, again

No, do not start
My world was not enough for you
And just like yesterday
When night slowly creeps in
You were gone again

When thunder came
And rocked the quivering wall
The storm tried to reel in
But amidst all these deafening sounds
All I heard was your voice
"I will come home"
And so I waited and waited....

Stretched to the couch
I tried to cling to every memory
Count all the prayers I kept for you
Wiping a tear left, right and everywhere
Even the faintest utterance
Though slowly fading
Was like music to me
But to you, My Lord, all this grasp of reality
Is often forgotten
And you made my spirit turned
Harder than I thought

Today
As I flicked your name
There is nothing more to rue
We are so close
Yet so far
You love me not
But this heart never wilt
For love dwells not in our will

Nor can I blame you
It takes a lot
To strongly and vainly
Love you still

HE COMES NOT TO ME

He comes not
When I send him flowers
With words and sonnets
From a distant heart
Too bright is his day
That he could not see me

He comes not
To my soul till it breaks a silent tear
For he has TO work and work
With no rest and play
That he do not seek me

When night falls
The great voices gone
All rocks and stones, pebbles and limestones
And oil rolled in from the mountains and sea
He comes not to me

By night
I plastered a dream around me
With all the stars, the moon and candlelight
And a history book by my side
He STILL does not come to me

THE ROCK WAS GONE

I found a piece of rock
So mean and precious
I place it in my palm
And went to sleep
The night was prosy
Everything else was still
And I thought
It would be alright

Then I woke up
The prevailing wind has stopped
The rain started to drizzle
My honest palm turned sweaty
And the rock was gone

I look around me
I have none
Only a rock in remembrance of you
And that's all I own

YET IM STILL HERE

When you called at last
Your loving voice seek for mine
And I hold that memory close - at last!
Not often this heart is robbed
A heart so chilled
As hard as a rock
Yet Im here still


In truth
There are shadows on my brows
And girlish grace on my face
Traces you left for me
Which holds a lover's vow
Despite my sad and faded face
And a darkened heart that bleeds
Im still here


I count no more wasted tears
They left no signs of their fall
I mourn no more my lonesome days
With or Without you
Leave me here for now
With this blessed memory of you and me


I fear not my fate or my destiny anymore
Should this be a burden for you
A strong love that came so late
Will always have its place
For my soul will keep it safe always
Right here inside me!

MY TOKEN OF VALENTINE

Please accept this
The little token of love
Which you call Valentine
You will find the lines you seek
That I've never often spoken
Though with my dying lips

Though awkward very
The heart desire's expressed
Dear sweetheart of mine
For I can never be your Valentine

With repeated emotions
I'll mock anyone
Who loves me not or love me less
For I am no ones Valentine

And when I stutter to say yes
Think not my love is dead or gone
What awaits for you to come
Is not a Valentine
But true love that is so divine

So take this dear love
My little token of Valentine
Though in words nothing more
The sentiment I've faintly spoken
But believe me....its real

THIS HEART WILL NOT FORGET HIM

Will you not forget him?
That night was just you and I
Today is you and you
You must forget the warmth he gave
And I will try to forget the light

When this heart is done
Please tell me
Then I will put all thoughts to dim
And wash the marks he left
Mute all the sound
Erased all memories
For all that in haste should be forgotten
No point chasing a rainbow
Its like taming a wild goose
Or a dull man who does not feel

But heart, while you try to forget him
I may remember him
A little
Because I still love him!

TOO DEEP TO TELL

When I see your name today
Blinking so brightly
I could not remember
All the aches that you left me
And I tried to smile again

You may not know
I whispered and caress
Your name before me
In all my prayers

If only you know
How true this old heart is
You will shudder when you dont hear
Dont see and dont feel me

But I know not you
After you left this heart
Wounded and crushed
The hurt is still there
The scar is still here
I shall not forget this cut
Its too deeply to tell

THIS WOULD BE MY SORROW

This would be my sorrow
As we parted each time
In the silence of the night
Waiting for that call was a near miss - AGAIN!
The warmth of your love is gone
And my heart bleeds again

This would be my sorrow
Each time you severe this bond
I grew pale and cold
Thinking of you
And asking the 'ifs' and 'whys'

This would be my sorrow
As the wind gets colder
And the rain harsher today than ever
For your absence
Makes this unbearable

This would be my sorrow
As I waited patiently and truly
Minute by minute
Hour by hour
Forever restless
And nothing seems to change

This would be my sorrow
For the warning was clear
The beginning of another heartache
of years to come
Of what I feel now

So do you break your vow as easy
and so light as your promise?
For this would be my sorrow

I SHALL NOT WAIT

What if I tell you
I shall not wait
And burst this pain of mine
Far and wide
in all the history books
Could you feel it?

What if this pain do not heal
And that alone is enough
To wade this heart free

I cannot take any more
My darkest nights has loomed
My calls were all in despair
All seemed meaningless to you

As laughter was a while ago
We made a pact never to let go
But does it matter anymore
If I shall not wait
Because you ended it before
And our love just died yesterday!

MY ABSENCE WOULD MAKE YOU WISE

If my absence would make you wise
No eyes would ever look your way
If all our stories were told in history books
All hearts would wander each to each

Our spirits were free from mortal mesh
And the love was set in hearts of flesh
Your aching heart yearns to meet
And somehow the cycle was not complete

But how do stones grow?
For it lives uncovered and no one knows
And all the secret powers they have
Were all knowledge that you made
Thrilling and faint until
these stones turned and turned
sweetly nurtured by you

But you seek not
Why these stones are like you
They just lie there
cold and lifeless
For if you must love
Follow not the stone but the heart
For I must love because I live
And life in me is what you give

I DO NOT LOVE TO PLEASE

I do not love to please
Nor do I care if I do not
For another broken heart
Has build another Hell
In this old heart of mine

So sing your lullaby
And count all your pebbles
and stones
You can wiped out all your fear
For I shall not wonder near
Your heart of stone
For years we shall not meet

For I love for the sake of me
To bind another will be a delight
If you lose me
It is a loss of ease for you
Build your hell within you
I love not to please!

THIS LONGING WILL STOP

This hopeless longing
has stopped, and then
It started again
My night will be long
when my longing begins

I said, a thousand times,
This could not be
A messenger from another world
Could not be as kind
Or smile so sweetly
To care to others as to me

Your words did not sooth
As I come to face the truth
This is just a dream
Your virtual kiss did not linger
My love did you suffer?

Do not come in my dreams
By tomorrow I shall be well again
And the longing will stop
When I realise
You are just an illusion

EACH WISH OF MY HEART

Each wish of my heart
For you to stay
near me forever
today or tomorrow
will be the same

It is not while you are here
as a traveller, a tourist or just my companion
I will still rejoice
but then your 6 months
will be up and then the final goodbye?

The faith of your soul cant be known
So is your love
I am still not certain
But you said
your faith and soul
are all true confession
and that I should not fear

Till then
to which time
your presence will still be more dear
to me, and me and me!

ONLY IF YOU STAY

I saw him at closer view
A phantom of delight
His spirit light and free
And his steps were all towards me
How long were you here?
Waiting for me?
And so he said....

But where were you all these years?
I waited all my life...
And that I said between tears and joy

I am none but a poor woman
All images of youth are drawn and long gone
What I have today is not too bright or good

I have nothing to share with you
My noble man
Only transient sorrows, simple wiles

But if you would stay
I'll share with you some love, kisses, tears, and smiles
Only IF you stay

A PERFECT NOBLE MAN, A TRAVELLER


A perfect man, almost
noble and charming
to comfort and command
All that a man should be
And yet the spirit is sometimes
still and cold
With something of a heartless soul

And now that I see closely
The voice, the pulse and
breathing thoughtful breath
I pray this will last
if only for a while

He is afterall
A Traveller between there and here
His reason is firm
Our bond could not be
Even with endurance, foresight, strength
and much love

THE RUSH OF JOY IS BACK

My heart skipped today
and my day is full of joy
Everything else around me
seems to change

The soft hue of green pale grass
was vividly beautiful in my eyes
and when the win blew
I feel a sudden rush of joy

Even in a cold evening
the dull flowers
seemed to transform to petals of
red and blue

When night falls
My heart is rejoiced with old tunes
the love lyrics just get better
with such sweetness and joy
I know the passion is back
And the love that once left me
is home

LIVE WITH ME

We spoke
in the silence of the night
that fateful day
I am I, and you are you,
Me, loving but eluding
And you, cold but charming

So, should you pursue me?
Or loathe me?
My life is a fault
But you said this is our fate
and together this is our destiny!

Scarcely, I fear I will not hold you dear
Keeping my nerves at strain
But what if I fail? Again?
Will you be there to dry my eyes
or laugh at my fall?

So, take a look from afar
farthest from my sight
The old hope is at the old mark
And the new one, a different place
Just remove all
Live with me
And we should be fine